22 Oct 2020

Say What You Mean

Many women have a fear of using our voice; of speaking up for what we want, what we believe in, asking for what we need, to set boundaries, share an idea or offer a different perspective.

Some of us have lived with this fear for so long that we have created a habit of not speaking up, even for the simplest things.  Using phrases like “ I don’t care” and “ It doesn’t matter “ when we really do care and it really does matter.  

Living with this fear has caused us to do things like change our words as we’re speaking; hesitating on each one so we appear agreeable, measured, neutral.

There are a few reasons why speaking has become challenging.   Our culture teaches us to be nice and obedient; to go along with everyone else and never rock the boat.

Some of us may have received backlash from family and friends when we did choose to speak up and that made us even more convinced to remain quiet in order to keep everyone else happy.

The problem is, whether we choose to keep quiet or speak in carefully curated sentences, we are choosing to place more importance on how other people feel and disregarding our value as human beings.

And so we keep quiet.  We reason with ourselves that there is no need to speak up if we’re just going to be seen as being difficult or if we think someone will misinterpret what we say and start creating their own version of the story.

And the truth is, you cannot control what happens to your words after you speak them.

Because people hear what they want to hear and they’re creating a story about what you’re saying, as you’re saying it, to fit their own ideas about how they view the world and how they view you.

Not because they are evil, but because it’s human nature.

You can control making the decision to say what you want, speak your truth and letting go of any expectations of how someone will react.

Easier said than done, I know.

But every time you speak honestly, no matter what the situation is, you realign yourself with your integrity.  And every time that happens, you become stronger mentally and emotionally and even if you are misunderstood, it matters less.

You know who you are, and that’s all that matters.  

Building a new habit starts with small steps, and consistently speaking your truth is no different.  

Ask for help with cooking or cleaning up, offer your opinion about what movie you’re going to watch, use a simple “no” to set a boundary.   

If you have no idea where to begin, if it’s been a really long time since you’ve spoken up for yourself, I’m here to help.  DM me to set up a conversation. 

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