Recently, I was at a networking event, and when I got up to make my 60 second speech, I asked the audience of women – “how many of you are fully present in your bodies, in the moment, everyday?” Of course no one raised their hand, because, let’s be honest, how many of us can say that we are fully present in the moment all day?
I then went on to talk about distraction; how easy it is for us to become distracted, and how many of us are distracted from our lives, because our minds are constantly creating thoughts and stories we never stop to question. This creates a disconnection between mind and body which can lead to behaviors that leave us feeling more disconnected.
After I had posed the question, and before I went on to make my point, someone off to my side said “except you”. After feeling the initial pit in my stomach, because I couldn’t believe that someone, especially another woman, could be so rude and hurtful, I gave a little chuckle and said something like “Oh, no. I’m a work in progress too”. I then went on to say what I had prepared and didn’t think about the incident again until I left. There are a few directions I could take this, and I’ve decided to focus on 2 things.
First of all, can we all agree not to put another woman down because she’s confident? Because, here’s the deal – confidence comes after fear. You feel fear, you act, you build confidence. It doesn’t just happen. You have absolutely no idea what has gone into another woman creating her own confidence. If you don’t believe me, read anything published by Brene Brown, Jen Sincero or Martha Beck, to name a few.
And any attempt to write off such acts as “I was only kidding. Stop being so sensitive” is dishonest and cowardly.
Second, as I thought about it more, I realized that this illustrates one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves, one of the biggest stories we spin that we don’t often stop to question; THEY have it all together. They couldn’t possibly understand my life. They’ve never been through anything bad, how could they possibly understand my circumstances? When we make these assumptions, we put up a wall and create more disconnection in our life. When we just go along with the story that we are different, that no one could possibly understand us, we cut ourselves off and open ourselves up to a lonely existence.
When you try to tear another person down, what’s that saying about you? Often times when we’re creating stories about another person, it is because we want something that they have, or what we think the have. And when we finally stop to question our thoughts and stories, we begin to realize that we are all more similar that we are different. We all have shit we’re dealing with. We all have challenges that we face, some only once and some are ongoing. We are all works in progress. Even Oprah. Seriously, have you ever watched Super Soul Sunday and observed the “a-ha” moments that take place every episode?
If you take time to read my website, you’ll see that I’ve had struggles that coaching helped with, and continues to help with. As a Life Coach, I don’t provide answers for my clients because I don’t have all the answers. I provide an environment where my clients can feel safe enough to discover their own truth and their own answers.
And because I’m a work in progress and I practice what I preach, I continue to seek the help of a coach, read and listen to books, pray, meditate, journal, exercise…… Basically, I strive for a little self improvement everyday.